it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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