There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Randomize
