I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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