I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
