U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
