I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
