oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
