you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
