i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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