so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
