if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
