So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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