i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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