i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
