she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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