It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
