I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
