i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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