woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
