thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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