I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
