Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
