Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
