Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He? As in you personified your dick?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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