He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Come back. Shots need mouths.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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