I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
