Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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