he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
