Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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