sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
zippers are such a cool invention
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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