I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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