she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
