Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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