You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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