At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
