this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
