So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
