Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
