I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
