Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
