I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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