I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
