at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
