I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
