You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
