why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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