Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
