Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
