i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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