six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
