some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
