I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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