Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
