did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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