Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just blew my weed a kiss
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
