Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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