College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
