I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
